My Transitional Issues

Anyone who knows me well will be able to tell you that I am not a patient person, happiness and optimisim are the things that I do well. Patience is not. It is an issue that I have and I own it. I know that I am that way. Why then does it continue to surprise me then that transitional periods in my life make me feel like this:

I don't do well. Especially when I know (or think I know) exactly what is coming. I want to hurry and get to that point. I try to learn to enjoy the journey and enjoy where I am, but I am constantly looking forward to something. When that something doesn't come fast enough, I feel like I need to control something in my life and that usually turns into the need rearrange all of the plans that I had for my life.

This transitional period in my life is no different, if anything my need to rearrange plans has been worse. Pre-pregnancy and during pregnancy, the plan was to finish my last 12 credits in the spring, take the GRE test, and apply for graduate school. They have the masters degree I want completely online that I would be able to finish in 2 years. Yes that's a lot to take on with twins, but it has always been a "maybe" and only if I think I can handle it.

Since the babies have been born and we have been in the transitional period between being pregnant and actually being a real mom (being busy with my babies at home), my plan rearrangment has gone crazy.... I've researched getting a second bachelors degree, double majoring, getting my MBA or doing all three at the same time. I know all of those things would make me crazy and totally overwhelm me, but I can't help rearranging my plans while my life is in transition mode.... its an issue that I'm working through. Or pretending that I'm working through.... next week I may be looking into becoming an astronaut.

However... the time that my mind isn't spinning crazy thoughts is when I get glimpses of what my real life might actually look like. Its hard to feel like a real mom the way that things are right now. Then all of the sudden I get to experience moments where I feel like a real mom, my mind calms down and I feel like being a mom to my sweethearts is what I was made to do.

This was one of those moments:
I got to give my sweet little son a bath. I've learned how to appreciate every little thing when it comes to my children. I looked forward to this moment for 24 hours when the nurse told us what time they would be doing it. I watched as Justin bathed Addison, and savored the feeling of being like a "real" mom.

We just pray that we continue to get more and more of these moments before the new astronaut dream comes to fruition.;)